Biology Is Not Important

Right out of the blue, a scant, inadequate & if I am to be brutally honest, poorly constructed letter arrives at my parents current address of over ten years. Not even secretly keeping a track of my life then. 

Are you testing the water, that is a bit lame, why not write to me? I’m no longer a child, that passed by more than twenty years ago now. I am forty two you know! 

I am sorry to hear your wife died & your son before her, or am I? It is of course very sad when people die but I did not know them & I don’t know you.  I am forty three in a minute, you might recall.

What is going on, you having a rethink?

How old are you, what do you look like, what is your world view, what do you do, where are your other children? I did not think about these things till your letter & nor did I care. I don’t know your birthday, I am forty fucking two. You do not know me & I am pretty brilliant, you really did miss out.   Why now, what you hoping for, why, why, why? Why have you gate crashed my life, you have made me cross, you don’t have that right, we could pass each other on the street without a hint of recognition, now that is telling.

Thanks for reading

Good Things, Not So Good Things, All Experiences To Be Felt. 

Cars in the cycle lane, vans pulling into the middle of the road so I have to pull up hard & all in the space of 100m. I’m on my bike!
Being anaemic is a struggle, it makes me rather cross at times, I am constantly putting iron rich food in my body plus I take ferraglobin. I’d expect to be anaemic if my diet was rustlers burgers washed down with a fizzy drink.
Hearing my son Elliot cough so hard I’m sure his lung must be trying to launch it’s self from his chest,  It’s to early for that, it’s 7am
Not received a morning text from 
my boyfriend as yet, is he to busy?
My best friends text at 7:30 asking if I want to go for a run, it’s not in the wrong category, yes this is good & makes me happy. 
Not needing a coat all day everyday now the temperature is rising, it’s light for longer, I can feel summer rushing towards me. Not that I don’t normally, but this summer I will submerge myself in Plymouth fully. It’s our last summer living here so I’ve a bucket list to work on. Beach trips, yurt stay & a river cruise. 
Going to Skype my big girl today, she’s doing the London thing now. Miss her face, can’t wait to see her on my screen. 
Having the willpower not to attack the spot that’s been taking over my chin for two full days now. This is truly a very good thing, ordinarily I would have got a spade & had dig around on an hourly basis. 
Made more of my own laundry power again this morning. I consider this to be part of my creative outlet, I can’t draw or paint but a can make these ‘hippy’ chemical avoiding concoctions for my family. The soap I used today was blue so it’s given my powder a beautiful blue swirling affect. 
Just a few things I’ve experienced, want to, or am experiencing. 
Would love to hear your thoughts on experiences of all kinds. 
I’ve used the word experience to much, I’m off for some other experience now.  

   

Portion control

I think a lot about food, it holds great value from a nutritional point for myself & my children. Its part of my job as a mother to feed & fuel my children properly, and as I want to live forever I do the same for myself.
I enjoy planning & preparing meals but I also love the odd days In the week I delegate cooking dinner to someone else in the house. It gives me a little free time for running, writing on here & other things I do. With the Bristol move in mind & Elliot wanting to live independently, it seems wrong to send him into the world with few skills in the kitchen. I also don’t want to inflict an untrained male on the world, I’ve meet them, they suck. The girls also take their turn in the kitchen & Ian makes a mean stew.
The hustle & bustle of laying the table for dinner, arguments over the wrong cutlery, yes there can be wrong cutlery! Who’s making drinks? Who sits where at the table? With us all having different day time routines, dinner is the only meal we all eat together, it’s a time to share, sometimes there’s raised voices, always lots of laughter & your pretty much guaranteed an inappropriate topic of conversation or two. To me it’s an important time of day, a social occasion, I find it comforting to have my brood around me. As my children have grown up & continue to do so the amount of time I get with them shortens, making me appreciative of these occasions.

I know not all family’s eat meals around a table together, what’s your experience of this as a child & now?

OCD or Not

I consider myself to be a restless fidgeter, in mind & body, I struggle to sit still for any length of time unless, of course I’m really tired. My mind often works in over drive & at times my thoughts go to the dark side, slightly. An example of this was just before christmas I spent sometime with my future sister in-law & my nephew while my brother was away at his christmas work do. We were having a lovely day lining up & crashing play cars together, my nephew Max is two so this is normal. Lou then suggested I could have some one to one time with the lovely Max if she popped out alone to pick up dinner & drinks. This is pure gold time for me with those guys living in Bristol & me in Plymouth, what a treat. Max & I continued to play with cars, I asked him to show me where he slept, he showed me mummy & daddy’s bed! After a short visit to Max’s bedroom where lots of toys ended up on the floor we then read a book I’d given him, seven times in a row!  At this point over forty five minutes had passed since Lou had popped out, I’m thinking that’s a long time to be just grabbing dinner & drinks at the local coop. Perhaps Lou had to stop for petrol? Was the super market really busy? More time playing, more time passing by, It’s now coming up for Max’s dinner time, this is where my brain leaps to the dark side! Right Lou’s been gone nearly an hour now, that’s way to long, what if she’s had an accident? I’ve really no idea what to feed Max for dinner, If I ask him, can he tell me, he’s two so he will say chocolate, should I call my brother, he will of been drinking so can’t drive……and there’s some of the crazy. Turned out there was no need to go through the cupboards searching for Max’s dinner, or call my by then drunk brother as  Lou then came calmly into the house armed with goodies for the night.  Phew, relax & laugh at myself.

I dislike to much routine, I find it boring, I like to mix up my routes to work when I can along with other things in my life that become to routine. But god forbid If plans made change, this upsets something deep inside me, It’s taken me till the last year to be aware of this & I have to say I’m still unsure how to deal with It. As it stands, If it looks like plans are going wrong, be It that the time has to be pushed back, I can feel myself get on edge & become irritated. So to much routine is not good & plans changing I just can’t deal with, a dichotomy I think.

Then there’s my symmetry issues, I am happy to own them as mine. I like, no need, the table to line up with the floor boards & the chairs to be equally tucked in. To me It then looks neat but most people couldn’t care less. Pictures, mirrors etc must be straight or I have uneasy feeling inside. I will straighten pictures when I’m out & about as I think whoever hung them probably wants them straight?  I don’t think the world is going to end If things aren’t symmetrical, I just like it.

I’ve shared. Anyone else out there with symmetry needs? Let me hear your thoughts on ‘going to the dark side’.

Just begin at the start of this new beginning.

So Bristol, it’s really all about you this year? A decision made in the early part of last year to finally give up on my family moving from Bristol to Plymouth has resulted in a relocation plan, implementation is this summer.  Cheers guys.  Until the new year it just seemed too far in the future to begin making, let alone initiating any real plans, but no more, it’s all about you Bristol. Let the crazy begin.

What is the draw? Well for starters I have countless family members residing  there all of whom I love to spend time with, a rarity among families that I cherish, appreciate & am thankful for daily. Secondly, but most importantly, with plans firmly laid out for my eldest daughter to make her mark on Bristol for sometime now, her younger brother threatening to go in the same direction, I’m left with no other choice, I must uproot my thirteen year old from her nice cosy grammer school & dump her smack bang in to an inner city comp. We will then all embark on a new exciting chapter with new starts for us all.  Thankfully my boyfriend likes my plan & is coming along with us on this journey.

My star studded cast of a family must be introduced,well maybe not all at once, do not want to scare you away, there is just to many of them so I start with, & in no particular order of importance with my little sister Katy. Younger, much wiser & very much smaller than me I consider Katy to be stubborn, intelligent, amusing but mainly one of my best friends. This, as she does know, not dropping a bomb shell here, was not always the case. Having reached the grand old age of seven, living the only child dream, along ‘she’ came, screaming, screechy & generally stealing my thunder. Good things come in small packages, not on this occasion I will have you know. Lucky for us both this loathing subsided, no longer did I wish for bad things to happen to her & as if by accident I started to really like her.